Countess Luanne Sings (well, sortof) in her silly single “Money Can’t Buy You Class”. You be the judge.

Countess Luanne proves that saying that you have class doesn’t mean that you have class.  In her horrifically auto-tuned single, “Money Can’t Buy You Class”, she attempts to teach the rest of us peons that “elegance in learned.”  Well, evidently Her Highness needs to listen to her own lyrics because she is breaking Classy Rule #1 – Never Talk About How Classy You Are.  It’s like sex.  Those who say they are getting it – aren’t.

Aside from being the cattiest  Real Housewife of New York, The Countess is also the most ridiculous.  Have a listen and decide if the this Park Avenue broad’s “song” is fabulous… or a flop.


Rumors Fly on “The Hills”

Someone’s dissin’ Kristin and she’s pissed.  Her all-night drunk storm in Miami has cost her dearly in the tabloids, and she’s ready to put the blame on former junkie Stephanie.  Poor little Steph has enough to deal with given that her twat of a brother, Spencer, has gone off the deep end and is now certifiable.  Seagull feathers anyone?  He needs a hell of a lot more than crystals to bring him back to earth.

Well, at least Stephanie has a good friend in Lo, right?  Hmmm…  I don’t know about her.  Lo seems upper-crust but loves the down-and-dirty dish.  I wouldn’t be surprised if it was her who called “TMZ”.  Stephanie, be careful who you trust.

Heidi finally came out of hiding at Kristin’s house party to a host of cat-calls and raised eyebrows as the group took in her new lady lumps.  Shamelessly wrapped in a pink bandage dress, she left little to the imagination and cheerily squeaked to Audrina her wish for double H’s “for Heidi”.  Wow.  Can we say porn star in the making?  Good luck with your new life as a stripper, honey.

Spikey-haired singer Ryan Cabrera made his first reality show appearance since a short-lived stint as Ashlee Simpson’s boy toy, and he’ s since upgraded his arm candy to Audrina.  Dating aside, he’s still a hapless douche who was left hanging for a high-five by super-snob Brody.  That Jenner serves no purpose anymore than to whisper nastiness to whoever the current “Hills” star is, so it’s a given that Kristin’s getting an earful.

I hope that Stephanie survives her time on “The Hills” because she’s the only one I give a damn about, ugly blue eyeliner or not.  4UZXXRW7MWC8

The NJ Housewives are Brassy, Brash, and BACK

Oooooh, the girls are BACK!  Bravo’s insane collection of wealthy Jersey broads have returned and this season looks better than the last.  Sweet Jackie brings us into their world by birthing her new son into hers.  Caroline’s newly slender hubby shops at Barney’s while she cries in admiration “You look Bea-U-ti-FUL!”.  Dina loves on Grandma Wrinkles and her poodle-shorn persian, and Theresa is her usual squealing self while she makes 180 jars of home-made spaghetti sauce  the old- fashioned way (ladies who are in “that time of the month” are not allowed lest they “spoil the tomatoes”).

But what about the local diva Danielle, who at the end of Season 1 was at the receiving end of Theresa’s infamous table-throwing rage due to her alleged escapades as a “Prostitute!  WHORE!”?  She is seen mostly motoring through Jersey Lakes with the intent to stalk until her remarkably level-headed daughters talk her out of it.  And friends?  Danielle had better watch her back, that’s all I’m sayin’…

Oh, drama, drama, drama.  I love cozying up with a glass of Chardonnay to watch the Jersey girls go at it.  They make me look even more divine by comparison.   Oh, and Alvie – if you’re out there – I’m available.

Evan’s Got the Goods on DWTS

With only six contenders left to win that bold, brassy discoball, it’s anyone’s guess who will be the last celeb standing.  My favorite pussy cat Nicole, got her sweet side moving with a demure waltz which the judges liked but bored me to tears.  Pam was too soft to stay, and footballer Chad was stiff as a board in the waltz but shook what his mama gave him in the group cha cha.

Speaking of stiff, Erin either needs to get her yoga on or grab a man to work on her flexibility.  The girl is a whiner and needs a stiff one.  What that “one” is, you decide.  My girl Niecy knows how to get her jiggly parts moving, and her quick step was cheeky and bright.  Shimmy, girl, shimmy!

For the first time ever, it was Evan who got my juices flowing tonight.  His cha cha was loose and predictable but his tango was a tantalizing mix of manly control and testosterone.  I’d like to be stuck in his frame.

So, who will be leaving the dance floor tomorrow?  Zip up your pants, boys.  Pamela is leaving the building.

Obama Got His Sexy Barack but Leno Blew at the White House Correspondents’ Dinner

Who knew that the Annual White House Correspondents’ Dinner  would be THE place to be last night!  From has-been pop tart Jessica Simpson to current tween heartthrob Justin Bieber, celebs lined up to flaunt their fabulosity with President Obama and his entourage.  Obama poked fun at Jay Leno for being “glad that the only person’s whose ratings fell more than mine last year is here tonight. Great to see you, Jay,” and made light of the birth certificate controversy with “I happen to know that my approval ratings are still very high in the country of my birth.”

Damn, he’s sexy when he smiles.

Jay Leno shot back with jibes aimed at Obama’s graying hair but was overall a big, dorky bomb.  He rushed, muttered, and blamed the “tough crowd” for his lack of laughs.   Let’s face it; everyone pales in comparison to Barack’s bad boy grin.

But I digress.  The men, including the Jonas Brothers showed up in tuxes as did Dennis Quaid, Steven Spielberg, Tracy Morgan, and my favorite red-headed grilling man, Bobby Flay.

Among the ladies, Kim Kardashian was divine in a black and white gown and Oscar nom Gabourey Sidibe looked lovely a flowing cobalt number.  Ashley Judd was ultra fem with flowers in her hair, but Kristin Davis looked as conservative as a senator’s wife in an umpire cream dress and a slicked back bun.  Simpson was off the mark as usual in a Big Bird yellow satin wrap dress.  Perhaps a few of these celebs should take a lesson from the First Lady who looked gorgeous in a close-fitting rouched red gown and a chic chin-length bob.

The menu was a typical high-brow feast that featured Organic Wheat Berry Terrine and Pea Tendrils and Herb Crusted Petit Filet paired with Roasted Halibut as salad and entrée choices with an Amaretto Chocolate Truffle as the standout dessert among four options.

The Dinner, which aired live on CSPAN Saturday, was as heady and fun as a political venue can hope to be.  Today the president is back in the trenches, doing his thing.  But last night we got to be treated to that delectable grin.

God Love America.  *wink, wink*

“The Hills” are Alive!

Last week, the final season of “The Hills” on MTV debuted with a promise to end on a HIGH note.  Well, well… Kristin Cavalarri sure seems jacked up, didn’t she?  Hmmm, and Lo was ready to dish out the goodies, from divulging ALL of Heidi’s plastic surguries to Audrina to being the one to shamelessly say about Kristin, “Well, we all know what’s going on with HER”.

Brody is still a girly gossip-brat and not as hot as he used to be.  Too smarmy, right girls?  I like my boys with a hint of bad and Justin Bobby will suit my needs just fine.  So what if he’s slightly sleazy.  With his mussed-up rockabilly hair and those sexy, teasing eyes – he’s got it going on and he knows it.  *purr*

So, what’s next for our troublesome twenty-somethings?  Tune in to see.  That’s where I’ll be.